How To: RK Style
by Kitsune-Onna19
Summary: IT'S FINALLY UPDATED SINCE JANUARY 17, 2004! NEW CHAPTER POSTED! How To- Chp. 3: read and find out!
1. Bathe A Dog

DIsclaimer: Gomen ne, I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Demo.. everyone has dreams though, ne? I do have to thank TanukiGirl22 for helpin me with some of this. And to whoever you are, the author of 'Episode 95: The Untold Story'. I got some lines from there.  
  
Author note: I got some of the ideas of this fic from 'Animal Platnet's: Animal Kidding'. Love that show. And I don't own Sanosuke's dog either. He came from episode 64, 'Find The Lost Treasure'. Oh yeah, and gomennasai to all Sano fans.  
  
*** Notaro: Sanosuke's dog; 'Sano-taro', Megumi's way of calling both dogs at once. (^.^)  
  
How To Bathe A Dog- RK Style  
  
Two days after having Notaro, Misao comes to visit before they return him to his owners. Of course, she ends up dragging Aoshi along [not literally though]. It seems to be that two dogs have a certain stench. No room for Sano at the dojo, so he and his canine companion ened up staying at the clinic. [Poor Megumi]  
  
Megumi left the dog [Notaro] at the dojo to be bathed, while she faces the same problem with Sanosuke. Everyone will face many problems today.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
At the dojo:  
  
Misao: (looking at Notaro) Maybe we should do what Megumi-san said and bathe this. ummm.. lump of fur., or whatever it is.  
  
Kaoru: Yeah, maybe we should. Megumi-san did seem pretty serious about us bathing this dog.  
  
Kenshin: Well, we might as well try that we should.  
  
The three start calling Notaro. When he finally came, Misao and Kaoru had a look in their eye, very simlilar to the look Megumi was giving Sanosuke right now. For all of them know how hard it is to bathe dogs.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
At this point, the story splits into two parts, Sano and Megumi, and Misao, Kaoru, and Kenshin. Everytime you see ***'s that means it's switching to other problems. [Everything in brackets will be the steps on 'How to Bathe A Dog'. Couresty of Animal Planet.]  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
[Step 1: Get the dog in the dog in the washtub.]  
  
Megumi pulled Sanosuke over to the bathhouse. He was not a happy dog.  
  
Sano: Oi, Kitsune!! Where the heck are you taking me!?!?!?  
  
Megumi: Somewhere you needed to go a LONG time ago.  
  
Sano: Yeah? And where's that? I'd sure like to know. (Megumi points to the bathhouse) WHY ARE YOU TAKING ME THERE!??!?!?! (Megumi didn't answer, she just pushed him into the bathhouse and locked the door.)  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile..  
  
Misao: Ha!! I got him! (she pointed to the dog in the washtub) Now, all we have to do is keep the dog in this washtub.  
  
Kaoru: Right. Kenshin, keep an eye on the dog while we look for some soap. We'll be right back.  
  
Kenshin: Demo.. Kaoru-dono. I don't think I can--  
  
Kaoru: Kenshin, I said we'll be right back. Hold the dog for 5 minutes. That's all I ask.  
  
Kenshin: Alright Kaoru-dono, but what if-- (He stopped, realizing he was talking to nobody.) Oh well..  
  
[Introducing Step 2: KEEP the dog in the washtub.]  
  
5 minutes later..  
  
Kenshin: No- OROOOOO!!!!!! The dog's not here..  
  
Kaoru: Kenshin, we're back. (looks aroung) Where's Notaro?  
  
Misao: I don't know, but we'd better find him before Megumi-san gets mad!  
  
Kaoru: Good idea. Let's go! Oh, Kenshin, stay here just in case Notaro comes back.  
  
So the two searched the dojo high and low, or wherever that dog may be. They didn't find him in the dojo, but someone else found him. And they were not pleased with this dog. [Remember, the dojo is extremely muddy right now.]  
  
Notaro passed by a certain someone who did NOT want to be disturbed at the moment. He was busy meditating. Of course, being a dumb dog, he did not know that Aoshi didn't feel like company {a/n: but since when does Aoshi want company anyway?} during Tea Time. The dog passed by Aoshi, kicking up mud. In which the mud landed on Aoshi's face, and in his beloved tea. Although he shows no emotions, it was clear to Notaro that he had done something wrong. Aoshi gave the dog a death glare that stopped it in its tracks. The dog whimpered, and watched as Aoshi's ice blue eyes followed it all the way back to the washtub. Notaro sat down obebianlty and didn't dare to pass by Aoshi again.  
  
*** Megumi also is having some problems of her own.  
  
Sano: (inside the bathhouse, thinking) Man, Kitsune's gonna get mad at me if I do this. But, there's no other way to get outta this!! Oh well. Here goes nothing.  
  
Sanosuke used his Futae no Kiwame, and broke the door into pieces. Megumi almost fell back, since she was leaning on the door. She looked to her side and found a bandaged fist. She scoffed.  
  
Megumi: So this was your idea of escape, ne?  
  
She walked away and began pacing. She then stopped something that would probably make him follow orders.  
  
Megumi: Sanosuke, observe. (points to a bird in a puddle) This bird seems to be smarter than you. Look, it was grrom itself, without the help of others telling it when to bathe.  
  
Sano: Hey, you have no right to tell me that puny little bird is smarter than me! I can take care of myself.  
  
Megumi: Sou sou.. but, they don't call you 'rooster-head' just because of your hair y'know.  
  
Sano: Whaddya mean by that?  
  
Megumi: (getting very close to the door) Ever heard of 'BIRD-BRAIN'?  
  
Sano: I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT KITSUNE!!!!!  
  
Her fox ears sprouted, and began running towards the dojo, for she just got a brilliant idea. Knowing Sano, being a dog, when someone runs, a dog runs after it. They ran all the way to the dojo, passing by Aoshi. Knowing that Megumi didn't weight as much as Sano, so she didn't kick up much mud. However, Sanosuke, kicked up more mud than Notaro. Aoshi did nothing this time. Just sat there as if nothing happened. He chased Megumi all the way into the bathhouse at the dojo.  
  
Sano: I know you're in here Kitsune..  
  
All of a sudden, the door shuts; and a shadowy figure appeared.  
  
Megumi: I have put up with you and you're fowl stench for too long. And now that we're at the dojo, there's no way you're gonna even try and break down this door like you did mine. Face it, you're trapped Sagara. If you try putting one scratch on that door, Kaoru will kill you. And that's almost as bad as having me kill you.  
  
Sano: ORO!?!?!  
  
Megumi: That's right. (she had a bucket in hand, along with a rag and a sponge and soap.)  
  
[Step 3: Wash the dog. Be sure to get those hard to reach spots.] *** Kenshin: Notaro?  
  
Misao: You found him? Where was he?  
  
Kenshin: Actally, I just waited here, and he came and sat down in front of me.  
  
Kaoru: Well, that's a good thing. (Her and Misao had evil looks on their faces. They saw the dog, and went mad. Scrubbing, poring soap, everything you could think of. But all Kenshin could do was watch form the side oro- ing)  
  
[Step 4: Rinse the dog. Warning: All dogs may not enjoy Step 4.]  
  
Knowing dogs, they tend to shake want water is being poured over their head. But like they said, not all dogs may enjoy Step 4.  
  
Misao: (pouring water over the dog) Y'know, I don't think this dog likes being rinsed.  
  
Kaoru: Yeah, your right. But, he's really giving me a look. Like he's gonna do something to us.  
  
*** Scrubbing like mad, Megumi had yet to face the same problem.  
  
Sano: I finally figured out why you enjoy doin' this so much.  
  
Megumi: Yeah, because after this, we can get rid of your filthy scent.  
  
Sano: No, what I had in mind was different. I thought it was because you'd be happy that you'd get to give me a bath and see--  
  
*** Screen splits; showing Notaro [being a huge dog] shake off all excess water, and Megumi's eye twitching like mad. Misao and Megumi get angry faces.  
  
Megumi [on the right of the screen] & Misao [left side]: YOU STUPID DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
And in both screens, Sanosuke and Notaro are laying on their back, swirly- eyed, lumps on their heads. Sano with two black eyes, and Notaro, lumps growing lumps growing lumps.  
  
Megumi/Misao: HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*** [Step 5: Drying the dog] {I added this one myself because it didn't seem complete.}  
  
(Shows over view of the dojo)  
  
Megumi/Misao: PREPARE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
They both begin chasing the dogs. Megumi, with her medicene chest in hand {she thought it would be appropriate for the moment}, and Misao with her kunais.  
  
~*~OWARI~*~  
  
So, how was it? Was it good? Did you laugh? pleae R&R!!! and if you can, please give me some 'how to's' that would be funny for RK characters to do something with. 


	2. Kill A Fly

Discliamer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. But, I do happen to own the idea of the fic. This was based on my own expericence of killing flies. Although, we never found out wut happened to that fly, thanx to TanukiGirl22 and BB for runnin around w/ me and TRYING to kill that stupid fly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
RK How To: Kill A Fly  
  
It was a quiet, peaceful day at the Kamiya Dojo. Everyone had just eaten lunch [that Megumi cooked, not Kaoru] Everything was going fine until..  
  
Kaoru: AHHHHHH!!!!!! There's a FLY in here!!!  
  
Yahiko: What do you mean there's a fly in here!?!?!?!  
  
Kaoru: It went that way!!!! (points into the direction that it went)  
  
Yahiko: Well then let's get it!!!!!  
  
{Everything in brackets '[ ]' will be for insturctions/directions/etc..}  
  
[Step 1: Find The Fly]  
  
Kaoru and Yahiko begin running around the dojo trying to look for the fly. They run into Kenshin, Megumi and Sanosuke. Kenshin is just minding his own buisness doing laundry. Megumi and Sanosuke were caught up in their arguement, which Megumi was winning BTW. Kenshin actually looked up from the laundry to find Kaoru and Yahiko.  
  
Kenshin: What's going on here?  
  
Yahiko: There's a fly flyin around the dojo!! And Busu and I are tryin to catch it!  
  
Sano: (pauses his arguement) Catching it, or killing it? There's a big difference between the two.  
  
Kaoru: Well, first we catch it, then we kill it. But, do you think we could get some help here!?!?  
  
Kenshin: Daijoubu Kaoru-dono.  
  
Sano: Hai hai.  
  
Megumi: I can help, demo, I have to go back to the clinic and get some stuff. Just don't destroy your home while I'm gone. (Megumi leaves and Sano, Kenshin, Yahiko, and Kaoru begin running around, all looking like idiots.)  
  
Sano: There it goes!!!!  
  
Yahiko: Where?  
  
Sano: I saw it go that way!!!  
  
Kaoru: I have a feeling we just cant 'chase' this bug around. We need weapons.  
  
[Step 2: Arm Yourself & Prepare For The Chase]  
  
Kaoru: (with her 'magical bokken' in hand) I think I'm ready now. And how 'bout you guys? (Yahiko pulls out his shinai and Sano held up a fist and Kenshin stood there and oro-ed) Well, it looks like we're ready. But, does anyone know when Meg--  
  
Megumi: You called?  
  
Everyone gaped at Megumi with sweatdrops, she had her fox ears up, a sly smile on her face, and her medicene chest with her. She looked like she was ready to beat up Sanosuke.  
  
Sano: So I see you came to help us out. That's not like you.  
  
Megumi: Urusai Tori-atama. But, I you want to catch that fly, you might need my help. Nobody I know uses stupidity to get bugs. [a/n: 'cept for the RK-gumi]  
  
Kaoru: Then what are we waiting for??! Let's go!  
  
[Step 3: Kill The Fly [Nobody enjoys this one]  
  
They began chasing the fly, all of them looking like idiots. Not one of them even got close. After a l o n g while they got tired, but didnt give up.  
  
A line of people {Kaoru, Yahiko, Megumi, Sanosuke}, have now given themselves a title. The 'SWAT' Team. during their chase, they run back into Kenshin.  
  
The fly landed on Kenshin's head. Kaoru stopped, and began to glare at Kenshin.  
  
Kaoru: Kenshin, DON'T move!!!!  
  
Kenshin: Oro?  
  
Kaoru: The fly is on your head.  
  
They all began moving closer to Kenshin, cornering him. He began oro-ing like there was no tommorow. Everyone was so sick of that fly. Sano held up his fist, Megumi had her medicene chest armed and ready, Kaoru had a shoe in her hand, and Yahiko.. ohhh Yahiko..  
  
Yahiko put his shinai in front of his face. The expression on his face had scared Kenshin even. He looked like a little Saito.  
  
Yahiko: Aku. Soku. Zan.  
  
Sano: AHHHH!!!!!!! SAITO'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!! But, wait, shouldn't that be 'Fly Soku Zan'?  
  
Yahiko: Hai hai Sano.  
  
Kaoru: I got it!!!!!!!!  
  
She holds up her shoe, and looks at Kenshin. Aiming for the fly, she hit Kenshin HARD you her shoe. To her suprise, the fly was gone. Kenshin was left with a huge shoe mark in front of his face. Kaoru apologized and everyone else resumesd running, leaving the oro-ing fool to oro to his heart's content.  
  
[Step 4: Get Help From.. Others]  
  
*** Outside, Dr. Gensai was dropping off Ayame and Suzume at the dojo. Once they entered, they found a pile of people. Kenshin at the bottom, then Yahiko, Kaoru, Megumi and Sanosuke. The two were in a very. "odd" position, and suddenly back away from each other, causing the pile to collapse. So now it looked like people sprawled out in a row watching Ayame and Suzume.  
  
Sano: Oi! Onna, what was that for!?!  
  
Megumi: (rolls eyes) You were invading my personal space.  
  
Sano: What the he--  
  
Kenshin: Oro?  
  
Kaoru: Kenshin, what's wrong?  
  
Yahiko: (before Kenshin can speak) It's the fly.. Right there!  
  
Everyone begins struggling toward the fly to kill it.  
  
Ayame: Look, it's a fly!!!  
  
Suzume: A fly!!  
  
Ayame goes up to the fly, and steps on it. The Kenshin-gumi have mass sweatdrops and face-faults.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well, I'll tell ya this, this was an extremely pointless fic. i thought the idea was good in my head, but then when i type it out, they really start to get crappy. i havent gotten many suggestions for how to's, so it's been kinda hard to update. and plus, i'm thinkin of this kinda cool x-over that would be ygo, rk style. so, everythin's been realy hectic. and i cant forget about school.. oh well, just pls. review! and, i need suggestions! 


	3. Satisfy Saito

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, and I wish I could try some Japanese food.

{Author's Notes}  
(Actions)  
Scenes  
_[Italics/Brackets :: Steps]  
_  


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It was a quiet day at the Kamiya Dojo, unlike the usual loud noisy days when: Kaoru chases Yahiko, Kenshin oros to his heart's content, Sano and Megumi start another daily argument, Dr. Gensai drops the girls off to play But not today. It was quiet, until someone brought up an idea_  
  
_Sano: Man, if today gets even more boring, I might actually have to find somewhere else to go  
  
Yahiko: I don't think Katsu wants to keep you.  
  
Megumi: It's not like I'd want to.  
  
Sano: Yeah, whatever. But I was being serious when I said I would leave if this place.  
  
_[Step 1: Do The Impossible THINK!!!]  
  
_Yahiko: Since your so bored, why don't you think of something impossible?  
  
Kaoru: Like what?  
  
Yahiko: Like figuring out a way to satisfy Saito!  
  
Sano: To **WHAT** Saito?!?!?!  
  
Yahiko: To _satisfy _him. This could be a time for you to really use your brain Sano.  
  
Megumi: He's right you know  
  
Sano: !?!?!?!!!!?!   
  
Kenshin: Now now  
  
Kaoru: I know the best way to satisfy Saito!  
  
Sano: There are only two things on this world that could ever satisfy him, and that's killing me, and smoking.  
  
Kaoru: And _soba_._  
  
[Step 2: Find a Cook, or Find Some Soba]  
  
_Kenshin: If we know that soba would satisfy Saito, where would we get the soba?  
  
Sano: Someone could make it, just don't have the MIssie make it I don't think we wants to end his life before he ends mine first  
  
**WHACK!**  
  
Kaoru: (Comes up behind Sano) _Don't _insult my cooking or I'll make you eat it, then you'll **die** and Saito would probably eat you up as if you were the soba that I might make!  
  
Sano:   
  
Kenshin: Now now, there's no need to get violent with this  
  
Megumi: He's right so why doesn't someone just go buy some soba?  
  
Sano & Yahiko: (In Unison) Don't look at me! I don't have any money!  
  
Megumi: Of course you don't.  
  
Kenshin: (. face) Uhh I don't think I have any money Miss Misao took the last of it [Flashes back to when he first meets Misao]  
  
Kaoru: I think I still have some money leftover somewhere around here. I'll go out and buy it, and Megumi, protect this dojo from falling apart while I'm gone (whispers to Megumi) Or I'll tell Sano a little secret  
  
Megumi: (INSERT ANGRY, RAGING ANIME FACE)  
  
Kaoru leaves, and comes back later with the soba The dojo is surprisingly still in one piece. They cook the soba {yeah that stuff} And now on to the next step_  
  
[Step 3: Fetch the Wolf]  
  
_Kaoru: So then, who's gonna go get Saito?  
  
Megumi: I vote Sano.  
  
Sano: Then I vote you!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kenshin: Now now  
  
Kaoru: Okay then who votes Sano?  
  
Kaoru and Megumi raise their hands, Kaoru raises both of her hands, doubling the vote for Sanosuke.  
  
Megumi: Then that's that. Looks like you're gonna go and fetch Saito.  
  
Sano: Whaddya mean ?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Kaoru: Kenshin, go with him. He'll get lost if he doesn't, even though he's probably been there millions of time before.  
  
Sano: Oi! What's that s'pposed to mean!?!  
  
Megumi: It means you'll get lost without him. So just go. We'll be waiting for you to come back.  
  
Sano: Fine then. I bet I'd do a better job finding him than you would.  
  
Megumi: But I'm not the one who's going to look for him.  
  
Sano: Whatever. C'mon Kenshin, let's go. Some annoying foxes are getting on my nerves.  
  
Kenshin and Sano go into town and wander around him until they find him again They eventually find him somewhere around town, the police station wasn't the first place they looked. But don't worry, he's here NOW FORWARD AND ONWARD!

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[Step 4: Satisfy Him]  
  
Saito: (Looks around and sees everyone sitting around as if there was a party and he was the Guest of Honor') I hope you took me here for a good reason. If not, away with his head. (Points to Sano)  
  
Sano: Nah, we brought you here for a good reason Lone wolf {I couldn't think of anything else!}  
  
Sano gets someone to bring Saito the soba and show him to the table  
  
Sano: Me and Kenshin brought you here cause you deserve an award for being so uhh wolfy and all!  
  
Saito:   
  
Sano: So I left ya speechless huh?  
  
Saito:   
  
Sano: Just don't turn into Shinamori  
  
Saito: This better be good_  
  
_Sano steps back and joins Kaoru, Megumi, Kenshin, and Yahiko watch Saito as he ate err-- devoured the soba. His known love for soba, never ceased to amaze anyone.  
  
Saito: (INSERT err UNREADABLE BUT SOMETHING YOU WOULD NEVER SEE ON SAITO'S FACE, [Like the look of satisfaction, just imagine how he would look CREEPY!]) So, got any more?  
  
Let the anime eyes, sweat drops, anime falls, face faults, and oro's ensume._  
  
_

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I found it funnier in my head when i thought of it. i'm still waiting for suggestions that would be easier for me to use, but i haven't gotten many. I got a lot of suggestions for CrismHeart, but i can't really think for those. so after this one, i'm all out until i somehow get my brain to work. although there is one other chapter in mind R&R!! 


End file.
